Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior which may include physical and sexual violence, threats, insults, and economic deprivation which is aimed at gaining then maintaining power over an intimate partner. People of all races, cultures, professions, educational backgrounds, sexual orientations, and socio-economic status experience domestic violence.
Types of Abuse
There are five major types of abuse: physical, emotional, sexual, social and spiritual. Below are listed only a few examples of each type of abuse.
Physical Abuse
- Throwing objects at the survivor
- Pushing or shoving the survivor
- Threatening the survivor with weapons
- Hitting, punching or kicking the survivor
- Choking or throwing the survivor
Social Abuse
- Insulting the survivor publicly
- Putting down the survivor’s capabilities as a spouse, parent, lover or worker
- Demanding all of the survivor’s attention and resenting any focus on others
- Isolating the survivor from friends or activities
- Spending money without first meeting basic financial obligations
Sexual Abuse
- Expecting the survivor to have sex after an abusive incident
- Criticizing the survivor’s sexual performance
- Withholding affection to punish the survivor
- Accusing the survivor of looking at, talking to, or having sex with another
Spiritual Abuse
- Discounting the survivor’s sense of right or wrong
- Denying the survivor’s value as a person with legitimate wants and likes
- Questioning the survivor’s sense of reality
- Denying, minimizing or ridiculing the survivor’s spiritual belief
Why Does the victims Stay and Silence?
LOVE. Many survivors remember the person they fell in love with (prior to the abuse beginning) and want to believe the abuse will end. Often, survivors don’t want the relationship to end; they only want the abuse to stop.TERROR. Abusers terrorize, threaten, and intimidate their partners. Statistically, the chances of the abuser severely injuring or murdering their partner significantly escalates when the partner is trying to leave the relationship.
SHAME. Although abuse is never the survivor’s fault, many survivors feel ashamed that someone is hurting them. Survivors may believe, “this doesn’t happen to people like me.”
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. Will the abuser continue to stalk and terrorize me after I leave? Will I be alone the rest of my life? Will the children and I end up homeless? Will people believe me or blame me when I seek help?
IMPACT OF ONGOING ABUSE. The survivor’s sense of self has likely been damaged by ongoing abuse. Their identity may be entirely enmeshed in the abuser’s identity due to isolation and ongoing verbal and/or physical abuse. They may start to believe the abuse is their fault or that they’re an inherently bad person.
written by
Andy Satyakusuma
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